Harley Rotbart, M.D.

Sep

25

The “Flexible Family Meal Meeting” for No Regrets Parenting

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Thanks to the Estes Valley Investment in Childhood Success for hosting my No Regrets Parenting seminar last evening, and the Rotary Club of Cherry Creek for hosting my No Regrets Work-Life Balance seminar this morning. I mention these because an identical question was raised by audience members at both talks – What happens if it’s impossible to get the family together for dinner?

One of the important tenets of No Regrets Parenting is the daily family dinner – in the book, I call it the most important meeting of your day. And it is – this is the time when, for most families, everyone’s biorhythms are in sync and, with proper preparation, meaningful family moments are created. But, thanks to wise counsel from family who read the first draft of the Family Dinner Meeting chapter of the book, I added a plan B for families that absolutely cannot come together at dinner – Family Breakfast Meetings. Now, the concept has made it to the NYT Motherlode column. If yours is one of those households where dinner together is impossible, you’ll want to read this discussion:

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/08/07/the-family-breakfast/

Here is the comment I left in the Motherlode discussion:

“It was my sister-in-law who taught me the Family Breakfast lesson after reading my draft chapter in “No Regrets Parenting” titled “Family Dinner Meeting.” “While it might have worked in your home…,” she started, and then almost word-for-word sounded the exact same reality check as Ms. Teti.

I immediately edited the chapter to include the Family Breakfast Meeting as a meaningful alternative for families that can rarely find a shared dinner hour. From the feedback I’ve received on the final version, I can say with certainty that Ms. Teti’s family, and my sister-in-law’s family, are not alone in cherishing breakfast moments together. “

One more variation on the theme – families should feel free to create a “Plan C” if neither dinner or breakfast are possible – which for two-working parent families is often the case. The kids may not be awake early enough to catch breakfast with mom or dad, and mom or dad may get home too late to share dinner. Plan a special weekend dinner night, or a weekly Sunday picnic. Whether you use Plan A, Plan B, or devise your own Plan C, the importance of getting everyone together to share their lives at a regularly scheduled time of the day or week is crucial for achieving No Regrets as a parent.

Sep

16

Back at the Zoo

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When we were nearly at term with our second child, we put our 2 year old in the stroller and went for a walk at the zoo. He loved the zoo, but we were there for more than the animals this time – we needed to pick a name for our baby-to-be and the zoo seemed like a great place to walk and think, while entertaining our soon-to-be big brother at the same time. We didn’t know if the baby was a boy or a girl, but we had already picked a boy name and needed one for a girl. It was somewhere near the gorillas that we decided on the perfect girl name. It had to be a name with an “M” sound for my late grandmother, with an option for a cute little girl nickname that we and her friends could call her, and it had to be professional sounding so when she grew up she would be proud of the name plate on her door. That was almost 22 years ago; a very memorable day for us.

I give a lot of seminars for Children’s Hospital of Colorado, one of my home institutions for the past 30 years. Yesterday, my seminar was at the same zoo, one of the hospital’s favorite venues for community programs. My presentation was in their beautiful conference facility with windows overlooking the promenade leading from the entrance toward the most popular animals. In the middle of my talk, as I paced across the front of the room, I paused at the window and watched as dozens of moms, a few with dads, pushed strollers past the lions. Among them, a mom who looked a lot like my wife did 22 years ago, pushing a little boy who looked about 2 years old. The mom had a noticeable baby bump on her belly, and I had a noticeable nostalgic lump in my throat. I explained to the audience how warm and wonderful nostalgia can be for parents, but how important it is to have no regrets. Nostalgia means times past were good, regrets means you wish you would have done things differently. Nostalgia is good, regrets are not.

Do it the right way now, the No Regrets Parenting way, so when your kids are grown someday and you go back to the zoo, you know you did everything you could when you could.

As I drove home,  I thought about that young mom. I wonder what name she picked.

www.noregretsparenting.com

 

Sep

09

Tim Tebow’s Parents Must Be Very Proud

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Although I live in Denver, I’m going to try not to sound too sad or bitter when I add my 2 cents about Tim Tebow to the national (international !) mystique that has followed this young man from the Broncos to the Jets. For those of you who are just returning from a 2 year Mars mission, Tim Tebow was the Denver Broncos quarterback who so improbably led our boys to the playoffs last year with one miraculous (OK, I’ve shown my hand with that word) win after another. In so doing, he captured the attention of every football fan in the world, as well as every non-football fan in the world. Even pets noticed the euphoria during Broncos football games last season as their owners jumped around the TV like crazy people. Our dog, Lizzy, startles easily, so Tebow Time was very unsettling for her. Watching Tim in a Jets uniform today was tough for a lot of us. It clearly wasn’t tough for John Elway and the other perpetrators of the trade that i sadly predict will leave the Broncos cursed (ala Babe Ruth being dealt from the Red Sox to the Yankees just a few years earlier). But that’s another post entirely.

Unlike every other sportscaster, blogger, columnist, pundit, and journalist today, I’m not going to write about Tim Tebow as a back-up quarterback or utility player for the Jets. Nor am I going to discuss his outward displays of deep faith that have caused such animated discussions. Or the poise he shows under the intense media spotlight. A spotlight so intense, that Twitter reported more “tweets” about Tebow one Sunday last January than about any other person or event in history – including following the death of Osama bin Laden, which held the previous tweeting record. And that was in Denver! New York media madness is on a completely different log scale.

Rather, I’m going to write about Tim Tebow’s parents. I am, after all, a parenting writer and a pediatrician who thinks a lot about parenting issues. Today, watching a post-game interview with Tim, I recalled another such interview after the Broncos startling (stunning, smashing, shocking) win over the Pittsburgh Steelers in overtime last January. Rather than emphasizing the win, or his role in it, he spoke about Bailey Knaub. My wife turned to me and said, “Tim’s parents must be so proud.” Indeed, they must be so proud.

Bailey Knaub is a 16 year-old girl with a life-threatening illness, Wegener’s granulomatosis. She has already undergone 73 surgeries in her young life. Bailey is a patient at Children’s Hospital Colorado where I have practiced for the past 30 years. She is not my patient; she is cared for by close colleagues of mine. No one should have to know the struggles she has encountered in her life. But Tim Tebow knows. Bailey’s cousin wrote to Tim’s “Tebow Foundation Wish 15” program which grants wishes to kids like Bailey. Her wish was straightforward and simple – to meet Tim Tebow, whom she has adored and followed since his days at the University of Florida. When Tim heard from Bailey’s cousin, he Fed-ex’d first level, 30-yard line tickets for the Broncos playoff game with the Steelers to Bailey and her family, who then all sat with Tim’s parents and his siblings throughout the game – witnesses to one of the most exciting finishes in professional football history. Tim visited the stands before the game to introduce himself to Bailey and to give her an official football, and promised to “hang” with her and her family after the game. And then, in the midst of the chaotic jubilation and celebration after the game, he again visited the bleachers where he signed the ball for Bailey Knaub, and “hung” with her. And he also gave her a signed rookie card for her brother who couldn’t make the game. In Bailey’s words, the Tebows are “a very huggy family. I got about 20 hugs from everyone and a ton from Tebow.”

In that post-game interview, the one that prompted my wife to ponder aloud how proud Tim’s parents must be, Tebow said, “I’m very excited to have Bailey Knaub here at this game.” This was a Sunday with much for Tim to be excited about, and much for his parents to be proud of. Yet, Tim ranked having Bailey at the game at the top of his accomplishment list.

You can tell a lot about a kid’s parents by seeing their kid in action. Whatever happens this season with the Jets, the world has seen Tim Tebow in action. I am certain his parents are most proud of what he does for the Bailey Knaubs of the world. That’s the kind of parents they are, because that’s the kind of kid he is.

And that, my friends, is No Regrets Parenting. The Broncos play the Steelers in a rematch today. It won’t be the same without Tim.

www.noregretsparenting.com

Sep

05

Book Giveaway for Back-to-School Health

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Before No Regrets Parenting, I wrote a book called Germ Proof Your Kids (www.germproofyourkids.com) which continues to be a widely-read home reference book for parents and a resource for school administrators and school nurses.   This book retails for $29.99, and is invaluable at back-to-school time when germs are rampant, as well as for the upcoming cold and flu season.

I am giving away a signed copy of Germ Proof Your Kids to the next 10 people who buy my new No Regrets Parenting book. To receive your free, signed copy of Germ Proof Your Kids  (free shipping, of course), all you have to do is buy a copy of No Regrets Parenting either from a bookstore or online vendor and email proof of purchase (scanned receipt) to me at [email protected] Purchase must be made on or after September 5, 2012. The offer will continue until all 10 books are given away. Include in your email a shipping address for your free Germ Proof Your Kids book.

Today’s best parenting advice, combined with today’s best kids’ health advice.  Hurry to take advantage of this unique giveaway.

Sep

01

This is one of 108 3-Day Weekends between Birth and College

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For many of you, this is a 3-day weekend in observance of Labor Day. Three-day weekends are unique No Regrets Parenting opportunities.  Unlike the usual overbooked experience of a 2-day weekend, with soccer games, play dates, church and synagogue services, and a “to do” list of chores, 3-day weekends are bonus times for you and for your kids. If you do have Mondays off, protect that time for family time. For No Regrets Parenting time. Think twice about shipping the kids off to friends’ houses on these bonus Mondays. Think twice about scheduling golf or tennis with your buddies on these Mondays when your kids are home from school and less programmed than they are on other weekend days.  If there are chores around the house, do them with your kids. If your plan is to sleep-in an extra 2 hours while the kids are watching TV, change your plan – sleep an extra hour (you’ve earned it), but spend an extra hour with the kids NOT watching TV.

There are 940 weekends between your little girl’s birth and the day she leaves for college. Sounds like a lot, right? But if she’s 5 years old, you’ve already used up 260 of those weekends. Any regrets about how you spent them? If you’re like most parents who think their kids are growing up too fast, you probably wish you could have some of those weekends back. Well, you can’t. But you can make the most of the weekends that are left with your kids. And 3-day weekends are the perfect place to start.

Get out your calendars and write this down. Here are the remaining official federal holidays for 2012: Labor Day (Mon, Sept 3); Columbus Day (Mon, Oct 8); Veteran’s Day (Mon, Nov 12); Thanksgiving (Thursday, Nov 22); and Christmas (Tues, Dec 25).

Of course, your job may not let you take all 3-day weekends off. But, whichever days you do get off, spend them wisely. Remember, there are only 108 3-day weekends between your little boy’s birth and his leaving for college. If he’s 5 years old, you’ve already used up 30 of those Mondays. Only 78 left!

What are you and your kids doing this weekend? Share your 3-day weekend ideas by clicking on the title of this post and adding your thoughts  in the comments box that appears below the post.

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